The St. Patrick’s day Parade organizer in Chicago have announced they are extending the length of the Chicago River that they will dye green this year. Add one more block west will allow hundreds more people to watch the dyeing from downtown starting at 9 a.m. on Saturday. I thought I would share a brief history of the dyeing of the Chicago River
The tradition started in 1922 to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Leprechaun wars. When the streets of County Cork in Ireland ran green with the blood of the fallen Leprechaun. There is no documented proof of this war..*
Some believe the practice started out of embarrassment by the then Chicago Mayor, William Hale Thompson. It seems residents of the city, inebriated on green beer for St Pats, vomited so much that the river took on a green hue. The Mayor declared it tradition then read a poem about leprechauns.**
While no one should ever drink water out of the Chicago River…the dye used to make the river green is non toxic as it is made from the tears of scorned lovers The dye will, however, get squirrels drunk. A drunk squirrel, while hilarious, is dangerous. That is why the city of Chicago pays certain squirrels to alert the other squirrels to not drink the green water. An estimated 4.2 billion dollars has been spent by the city of Chicago on squirrel messaging and propaganda.***
Your grandmother finds the green river quaint and serene. She also finds Chicago scary and overwhelming. She finds butterscotch candies delightful.****
Celebrities that bathed in the green river as children…Zsa Zsa Gabor, Lady Gaga, Lil Pump, Lil Wayne, Lil Lil, Big Lil and the Lils (as a group…it got weird), Your mom, Peter Brady, Vanilla Ice, Milton Berle, Milton Berle’s penis, Wayne Brady, the cast of Stranger Things, the baby from the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey and Abe Vigoda.*****
*there is no documented proof of anything I just said.
** William Hale Thompson was mayor of Chicago in 1922. Only true statement I made.
***I would assume the dye is non toxic…but don’t hold me to that. The rest of that was sheer gibberish.
****Umm…sh’e YOUR grandma. How should I know. I just needed the words because this wasn’t long enough for my boss.
*****I don’t know if any of those people have been to Chicago before. Oh, and 2 of them were made up. One was a character from a tv show.
PHOTO SOURCE: Urban Matter