Traditionally, the winter holidays aren’t exactly the sexiest time of year. Sure, there’s plenty of romance on Christmas, but people don’t really get down and dirty until the wild New Years parties come around. Fortunately, there are some ways you can keep your sex life strong during stressful family functions and long breaks from your daily routine.
Men’s Health asked sex and relationships expert Dr. Laura Berman for some help navigating the emotional and physical waters of a sexy holiday season. Here’s what she had to say.
Berman knows that trying to fit sex into a schedule filled with family, presents, and food can be tough, especially if you’re traveling. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
“Instead of feeling frustrated by having your in-laws around or by sleeping on a pull-out couch, be willing to look at the situation with a sense of humor and a competitive spirit,” she said. “Okay, universe, you want to find out if I am going to be able to have sex with my wife even with all these relatives around and all this holiday stress…Game on!”
You might not be able to have your normal sex with a partner, but that means it might be a great time to switch things up.
“Get creative,” Berman said. “Join her in the shower while the kids are downstairs baking cookies with Grandma. Pull her into the laundry room during a holiday party when no one is paying attention.”
“Plan ahead in order to make sure you have everything you need, whether it’s condoms or a sex enhancer,” like lube, Berman said. Bring along anything that will “help you make the most of these stolen moments.”
You can’t expect holiday sex to just happen. Instead, you’ve got to make sure your partner is feeling it.
“Make sure you channel that passionate, desiring energy towards her, even as you are shopping in the mall or wrapping gifts,” Berman said. “Hold her hand, give her a shoulder massage, make her laugh, and most importantly, carry your weight. Take things off her plate so she has more time and energy to think about sex.”
Unfortunately, for single folks, the holiday hookup is pretty hard to pull off—”that will likely end up leading to disappointment or lots of wasted time on Tinder,” Berman said But there are a few things you can do to put a little bit of spice into your season. (Remember to always play it safe! We recommend these Lelo Hex condoms.)
“Set an intention that you are going to channel that sexy warmth and masculine confidence into the universe,” she said. “The people around you will be able to sense that energy radiating off you, and you will be much more likely to meet someone organically—like on the airplane ride to your family home, or at your local bar on Christmas Eve.”
If you’re really committed to gettin’ some, of course, you can try it. But Berman said that going for old flames can get messy, fast—that means no ex girlfriends or former hookups. “If you want to avoid entanglements and keep from leading anyone on, seek someone in the same mindset as you: someone who simply wants to enjoy a sexual encounter and then be home before Santa Claus eats all his cookies,” she said.