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But…why, scientists? WHY!?!

La Crosse, WI, United States / Classic Rock 100.1
But...why, scientists? WHY!?!

Next month a group of scientists plan to scour the Loch Ness in hopes of finding DNA of the Loch Ness Monster.

Let me say that again…

Next month a group of scientists plan to scour the Loch Ness in hopes of finding DNA of the Loch Ness Monster.

Now, I could’ve swore that a fella came forward on his deathbed to tell us that he was the perpetrator of the hoax that is Nessie. However, I can’t find any corroboration to that end so, clearly, I was wrong on that tip. That doesn’t sway my indignation though. Is this really what we want the science community to focus on? I mean,  the last I checked cancer still wasn’t cured. Kids are still dying. We still don’t know the way to San Jose!

So, here is a list of things that scientists could focus on instead of Nessie:

  1. How to a make a shoe that wears thin on all parts of the sole
  2. A way to make the backs of knees stop sweating
  3. Non-cling cat hair
  4. A cure for ice cream head aches
  5. A better biscuit. Not that biscuits are bad…but we could a better one
  6. Hangover free alcohol
  7. Fixing British Teeth
  8. Old people smell
  9. A new drug…one that won’t make me sick…one that won’t make me crash my car or make me three feet thick
  10. Taking the existential pain out of life so we can fully realize who we are and how special we make the world…
  11. Boobs
  12. Butts
  13. Battlestar galactica
  14. That uncomfortable feeling my uncle gives me
  15. The Electoral College and abolishing it
  16. Cancer
  17. Aids
  18. Disease
  19. Famine
  20. Homelessness
  21. Education barriers to inner city children
  22. Your mom
  23. Making farts less funny
  24. Making stubbing your toe MORE funny
  25. Making the Big Bang Theory funny at all
  26. naps

Finally, what scientist could focus on instead of the Loch Ness Monster? Literally anything else.

 

(If you want to read more about the testing next month, GO HERE)

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