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18 Ways to Have the Best Sex of Your Life on National Orgasm Day

La Crosse, WI, United States / Classic Rock 100.1
18 Ways to Have the Best Sex of Your Life on National Orgasm Day

Dr Juliana Morris has spoken out ahead of National Orgasm Day

SOURCE:  The SUN

FROM being asked by companies to harness their employees’ “sexual energy” to helping create a line of vegetarian sex toys, sexpert Dr Juliana Morris has seen it all.

But now she’s on a mission to help women discover their sexuality… and have their best orgasm.

The USA-based therapist, speaking ahead of National Orgasm Day tomorrow, has launched a course called The Wanting – aimed at helping women who struggle to have an orgasm.

Now, speaking exclusively to Fabulous Online, she has revealed there are 18 steps women can take to have better orgasms.

From trying out sex toys, to getting to know yourself first she said everyone could improve their sex lives.

“I’m on a mission to teach women,” Dr Morris said.  “Women come to me to learn this.

“We want to have more satisfying sexual lives.”

Here are her 18 tips.

1. Know yourself first

In order to be able to communicate with your partner you first need to know yourself physically and emotionally.

Know your pleasure anatomy. Study it. Look at it. Understand what parts work together and how they work towards pleasure.

Have a self-pleasure routine that is as vibrant as your sexual connection is with your partner.

Know what feels good to you-touch, rhythm, pressure, technique. Know smells, sounds, ambience, technique and emotions turn you own.

Understand that your emotional wellness is interconnected to your sexuality.

Attend to your emotional needs, strengthen your emotional acuity and learn the patterns of how your emotions enhance or challenge your sexual world.

2. Communicate with your partner

Strengthen your skills in speaking what you want more of and would like less of.

If you need to, practice it out loud by yourself or with a trusted friend do so.

Lead with the overall “want” for you both, which is typically something close to “I want us to have a deep and fulfilling sexual life together”, give specific examples of what you’d like more of or what you want to change or try for the first time and then end with an authentic compliment about your partner and gratitude for listening.

3. Be straightforward

Know communication about this is not a one-time conversation.

During sex give gentle direction if you need something to change while it is happening as well as giving enthusiastic praise if you love what is happening.

4. Take accountability

For example, you could tell your partner you realise you need to make sure you have the household chores done before you can really relax in bed.

If you need your partner to change something, take care to not lead with criticism or reactiveness. Approach with love and a problem solving partnership tone.

Know communication varies. Sometimes it needs to be fun and light, other times it will be serious and emotional. Embrace all of it and know the range is normal and healthy.

5. The build-up

Don’t under estimate the power of the buildup. Know what excites your partner and do it.

Is it a text? Flowers? A look?

The build up of anticipation can greatly heighten pleasure and give more certainty of follow through and richer connection.

6. Quick, down and dirty

But equally, not all orgasms need a long build-up, lots of foreplay and tons of set up and intention.

Sometimes a ‘lift your skirt up, unzip your pants and get to it’ sexual connection leads to great pleasure and orgasm.

Try both kinds and see.

7. Different kinds of orgasms

You may hear of clitoral orgasms versus the G spot orgasm versus a cervical orgasm versus anal orgasm.

If you want to learn about them all, research them.

There is a lot of information and anecdotal stories but not a lot of scientific research.

Every woman has potential for pleasure and orgasm in each of these areas but none are a guarantee.

You aren’t broken if you haven’t experienced some or all and you aren’t a ‘bad lover’ if you haven’t ‘given one’ to your partner.

Educate yourself, be curious as you learn, explore like an adventurer and let go.

8. What’s distracting you?

Know what is getting in the way of your desire for sexual connection and pleasure and what impedes your ability to stay in the moment.

For some it is as simple as writing in a notebook all of your to-do lists before you start getting it on.

For others in may require more in-depth work and looking at resentments towards your partner that lower your attraction towards him.

9. Take the pressure off

Take the pressure off of orgasm being the end all be all.

There is no award for it and no one ‘best’ orgasm. Don’t judge your orgasms. Befriend them. Each one is a gift.

Your orgasms will vary. This is great. Approach this with curiosity and not dismay.

Embrace the variance of intensity, origin and context of each orgasm or sensation of pleasure.

10. Take turns

Sometimes it is nice to go into a sexual connection knowing only one of you is going to be focused on.

Dote on your partner or allow yourself to receive full attention.

Release guilt, let go of expectations of reciprocity and know another time will be the other person’s point of focus.

11. Hygiene

Isn’t the most glamorous of topics but to keep it real, this topic can really play into your orgasmic life.

Be healthy. Stay fresh. Know your comfort level with your own aroma and what level of tolerance your partner has for it. Take charge of grooming.

12. Keep safe – but also be vulnerable

I see a huge connection with vulnerability, letting go and pleasure.

The best way to embrace vulnerability is to create an atmosphere and relationship with a foundation of safety.

Each person defines safety differently so communicate what makes you feel safe with your partner and ask what he/she needs to feel safe.

Once those factors are known and put into place allow yourself to have a healthy relationship with vulnerability. Push yourself to trust, to open up and ultimately to let go.

13. What happens outside the bedroom, happens inside the bedroom

If you are working on pleasure inside the bedroom, put attention into finding pleasure outside as well.

Find what sparks you and what helps you connect to pleasure and fun in your every day life.

Take risks, find comfort, embrace joyful adventures or whatever makes you feel vibrant and alive. Try everything…

One couple joked to me they have several sex toys going at once, have massage oil and pillows around the bed and are trying every angle and position they know in order to have orgasm and asked if it really required that much work.

And well, sometimes it does. And that’s okay.

Celebrate your commitment to pleasuring each other and be grateful we live in an era where we have access to these aides and don’t worry about the rest!

14. Review anatomy

Know you and your partner’s anatomy as a gender and then specific for your exact partner.

It is amazing how pleasure and orgasms become more abundant when you know how your body and your partner’s body works.

This knowledge will lead you to trying different places to touch, varying pressures to try, how and why to touch multiple places at once and help you understand why some places feel good on this day but not a week later.

Learning anatomy takes out a lot of the guess works for pleasure and helps bust myths you may have learned growing up.

15. Fantasy

I have some fun exercises I do in retreats and with couples with fantasy. A great way to have great orgasms is to have an active fantasy life.

One that is private and parts that are shared with your partner. Y

ou can use those fantasies to spur attraction or arousal, they can help bring variety to sexual connection and you can use them to talk dirty or talk through a sexual connection with your partner (you are doing one thing but talking about another and using the turn on as a way to heighten and role play in an imaginary way.)

16. Play

Have fun. Experiment. Research. Talk to trusted friends. Don’t take sexual encounters so seriously.

Sex can be messy and awkward and bumbling. Embrace it all.

Don’t be afraid to laugh together, don’t shy away from talking throughout it.

Consider taking breaks and relaxing. Have fun with sex toys and music and different settings.

17. But also take it seriously…

See what I did there? Sex is both playful and serious. Okay, maybe more accurately put — it matters.

Make your sexual life sacred. Make pleasure and orgasms sacred.

For some that is as simple as a favored playlist, the right lighting and starting with a hug.

18. The clitoris and scrotum are your friends

Each woman’s clitoris likes different things.

This varies woman to woman as well as week to week within the same woman. Pay attention to pressure, rhythm, technique and sensitivity.

Some women like to be licked with a flat tongue while others prefer a pointed tongue. Try both.

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